The Baby Star fish has a difficulty rating of 3 because it involves a high amount of physical strength to pull off and a lot of determination and stamina to follow through with. But mastery of this devilish maneuver is essential if you want to avoid getting stuck in places you don't wanna be. Circumstances where use of this move may be suitable include but are certainly not limited to are:
- the European Tummy Tub, if your not fimiliar with this device, your lucky. (the Mama loves it)
- the car seat
- the stroller
- the baby sling
- the grocery cart
- the scale at the pediatricians office
- laps of old people that smell funny
The concept of this rad move is relatively simple, spring into a starfish shape (like an umbrella opening) when the Mama trys to unload you into one of the above mentioned places. The key to achieving the perfect Baby Starfish is to remain as ridged as possible for as long as needed to avoid being placed in the offensive receptacle. If done properly, the Mama will give up and and put you back on her hip (this is the goal :) Be sure to reward the Mama with big hugs so she thinks she made the right choice.
WARNING: Adults will attempt to bait you into submission with toys and other such goodies, ignore them! keep your eye on the prize, and ride high!
The big kid and I get told on a regular basis not to poke the bear, but because no one ever bothered to tell me specifically where the bear was or how to go about avoiding said bear, I just went about my business randomly poking pretty much anything within reach, hoping that if I should happen to encounter "the Bear" he'd be so impressed by my charm and superior wit that he wouldn't gobble me up in my tracks. Well, I've met "the Bear" turns out him and The Daddy are the same creature (who woulda thought) oh, and I wouldn't recommend hitting bears in the crotch with large plastic trucks while they're watching TV :)
The Floppy Baby is a technique I've developed to keep adults from being able to pick me up when I don't want to be moved. Generally I reserve use of this technique to thwart the Daddy's attempts to remove me from my cozy spot next to Mama in the big bed, but it's also useful at the pediatricians office. I'm sure when you get it down, you'll find many of your own favorite situations to incorporate it into. It's very simple to master the Floppy Baby, so I give it a difficulty level of 1. First make sure the Daddy is very tired and really wants you out of the bed, then when he trys to pick you up, make your body completely limp and floppy like a rag doll, when he has to put you down, quickly scramble back to the cozy spot next to the Mama. Be sure to giggle happily at your victory, and maybe even throw in a breathy "mamamama" , as the Mama is your strongest ally in The War of The Big Bed :)
The Mama is always very busy, but she's also very easy to distract. And because she's such a germaphobe, I like to wait till she's up to her elbows in something she'd never wanna get on me to reek havoc. I'm not exactly sure what her problem with germs is, she's constantly wiping me off and cleaning things. I personally like germs just fine, I got a few of them on me last week when I put her flip flops in the toilet, and I immediately put my new germs right in my mouth for safe keeping :)
The Daddy is an elusive creature, very seldom seen in the light of day. He can most often be found in areas of the house that allow for lounging comfortably, like the bedroom or living room. Occasionally there may be a Daddy spotting outside the house in the garage or on the lawn tractor. He is also a frequent visitor at the dinner table. Until just recently I thought the sleeping Daddy and the yard Daddy were two completely different people. But after extensive study of this creatures behavioral patterns, I have a much better understanding of how he operates. He should be a whole lot easier to set traps for now:)
